One of the frequent situations in the world of children is that a child asks the other child to share his toys, and if he does not receive the required response, he would cry. The mother often finds herself embarrassed in such situation, and if her child does not share his toys, she may fear that her child's behavior will show a negative image of her personality as she did not raise him properly. Thus, she may ask her son to share his toys, and if he does not respond, she may threaten him, or force him to do so.
However, does the mother's behavior teach the child the value of sharing?
In fact, this behavior is not only useless to teach the value of sharing, but it also conveys incorrect and harmful messages to the two children. As for the child who owns the toy, taking the toy from him or threatening him to take it violates the concept of ownership. The child no longer understands that each person has his own needs and properties, and that he must preserve them. Rather, he may conclude that what he or others own can be taken away from him whenever he is strong. This behavior, which was intended to teach the child the value of sharing, will not achieve the targeted purpose, because it was compulsive and imposed on the child and was not done by him freely.
Children, especially in the first three years of their lives, need to understand and practise the concept of ownership and privacy, which is a concept reinforced by our respect for their toys and simple possessions and we would not underestimate them. This concept helps them to hold responsibility for their properties and maintain them as a basic principle in their lives. Hence, this would also affect their treatment and respect for the properties of others. As for the concept of sharing, it is based on the child's understanding of the concept of ownership; so that the child could be moved from thinking about himself to thinking about others and the child would take decisions accordingly.
On the other hand, a child who asks for the other child’s toy and gets it as a result of his crying, learns that by crying he gets the property of others, and he has the right to take it even for a short period. Then, he would lose the value of caring for the needs of others and feeling their pains.
We can communicate the value of sharing to the child and train him correctly in simple ways, such as encouraging him to share his toys with the other child to have fun together, or the mother could prepare some games that assist in sharing process, such as providing tools for playing with sand that are sufficient for the number of present children, or the mother would agree with her child in advance on toys that will be shared with other children. However, if he refuses to share them with the other child, we must respect his desire, provided that we keep on enhancing his concept of sharing and encouraging him. The most important method is that the parents should practise this value in front of their children, so that the children could learn it through practice.
As for the child who asks to play with the toy of the other child, it is important that such child should learn to ask permission from the owner of the toy, use polite words in this situation and accept the child’s refusal if he refuses to share the toy with him, so that he would learn to respect the property of others and their choices.
Sharing has two sides; the child who owns the toy and the child who wants to share it, and both of them need to learn the foundations of proper sharing.
